Random thoughts from this week

I look at Butters and see so much. I see how brilliant he is and how he can be social and sweet to his sister. Then there are the days I come home and he just wants to do his own thing. He goes back into his own world and just wants to be left alone. I try to interact with him. I try and play with his cars with he and his sister but sometimes its just not enough. His world is filled with hockey I'm sure because he always looks at me and says 20 minutes. This is the length of a period and he loves the game. He randomly tells me “He shoots he scores!” sometimes and all I can do is laugh.

He had an accident at preschool the other day and had to use his backup clothes. I was embarrassed for him. He had for some reason been up since 2am that day and just couldn't go back to sleep. I emailed his teacher the same night and apologized for it since it rarely ever happens.

He panics now more in stores. I almost don't want to take him sometimes because he gets so upset if we go out of order. He has OCD tendencies and unfortunately they can manifest themselves in public. We get the looks all the time. Like he is spoiled and that we just don't discipline him. You know because I want my son to have meltdowns like that in public. We went to Ikea once with him and it was bad. Peanut was being pretty good but all the new sights and sounds just freaked him out. Luckily at the end he discovered Ikea meatballs and it was all good.

His favorite place in the world right now besides home is the gym. He started a new class last week and the staff was wonderful. They and the other kids asked him to come back to the group. He did wander at times but eventually returned to the group. He loves it there because he really doesn’t get in trouble for just being himself like he might other places. He even did a 3 hour time at night without us and had so much fun!

I think right now I'm just struggling. I know he's doing well in school and at the gym. I read too much. I think too much. Yeah what's new. I'm an engineer. That's my job. I want what's best for him but constantly find myself worrying about him.

I know this is just a random stream of thoughts but its what has been going on this week with him and in my head.